Arvid Elbeck: How To Build A Lasting Marriage
Hello. My name is Arvid Elbek. I'd like to talk to you today for a few minutes in regards to what we call the Christian home, and what it is that qualifies to establish a Christian home. In today's culture, we have on an average of a marriage that goes on for approximately, statistically, 8 and a half years on an average. What I want to look at today and talk about for just a few minutes is in regard to what God's thoughts are and responsibilities for a Christian home.
Speaker 1:How is that established? What can we do better as individuals regardless of our background, and how can we establish that Christian home? And to establish that it doesn't end in the eight and a half years like we have going on in our current culture. What we have now, God's plan is that marriage is going to be for life. In the marriage, a lot of the marriage vows, we have that it says that till at the end of it, till you take this woman or this man, till death does you part.
Speaker 1:And the other part of the marriage vow is, do you promise to take this man or this woman to be your lawful wedded wife or your husband? And it gives you, in a lot of marriage ceremonies, an outline of different things that that happened just during during life. Do you take this moment of this man in regards to how it is that, that you will be in sickness and health and good times and bad times? And and those kinds of things just go along in wanted and in wealth and all of those things. You promise to do those things before your friends, with God as your witness.
Speaker 1:So death does you part. That's some of the things I want to talk about just for a few minutes, and how it is that we get to that relationship that would be a good and godly and Christian relationship. We have to establish those boundaries as we continue on. One of the things that we have in our culture today is the difference between Christianity or a godly lifestyle or a godly home or a godly family versus humanism. When we get to humanism, I think everybody knows what that is, and it's, kind of a lifestyle.
Speaker 1:It's a worldly lifestyle that anything goes. In a Christian or a godly lifestyle, there's parameters that we live by and we follow that are not only satisfying as a home, as a husband, as a wife and family, but it's a it's a it's a lifestyle that, God is our creator, has set down in a in a way that, prepares us for that lifestyle. So the other thing I want to just talk about for a few minutes is how do we prepare for that? Do we just we have a young man and a young woman. We're going to presume that they're re interested in each other, and they're dating.
Speaker 1:And so how is it that we know that we can set some parameters? And maybe I'm going to use the term profiling to where we're going to profile this young woman that you're attracted to. Maybe you're physically attracted to her, and maybe you're physically attracted to the young man, and you're both interested in each other. You're dating. How is it that we can really look at those 2 young individuals and decide that that's something that I think that we can live with each other?
Speaker 1:One of the things I want to bring up and I brought up a minute ago is, and I use the term profiling. We should look at when we talk about profiling side is, what is the background of this young woman that you're interested in? Maybe your interest in the beginning is just the physical attraction. That's perfectly normal. Then we need to look a little bit more in-depth into what is it that is really that you're getting interested in this woman.
Speaker 1:What is her background? What is her family life? What is her father life? What is her mother life? Did her mother, live that lifestyle?
Speaker 1:Like we have, the, what we're gonna call it, the, Solomon wrote in Proverbs 31 that, he identified what the perfect woman was. She was always industrious. She was always working. She was always providing for her family. She was up early in the morning, and her consideration was not only for her husband, but for her family.
Speaker 1:She was respected in the community. That's the perfect lifestyle. And so can we look at can the potential we'll call it the potential husband, look at this young woman that he's interested in, and go back and make sure that, the lifestyle that she grew up in is her godly lifestyle, and it's solid. It's a solid foundation in that family for Christianity and a godly lifestyle that's going to exemplify, their future lifestyle together. You know, can she be trusted?
Speaker 1:Is, can she be trusted? If you're really interested in in this young woman, can you really trust her if you decide to marry her and you're going to have a family? Can you trust her raising those children in a godly Christian lifestyle? The real issue when we profile, I'm gonna call it that family, you're looking at this young woman, and you're excited about her. And you now you're gonna be looking at her mother and her father, and what their teachings was, and how solid of a foundation did they bring this young girl up.
Speaker 1:In our culture, one of the things that we have a major problem with is a de facto call it, and it has to do with how many times people have been married and divorced. So nowadays, we have a lot of those families that, it may be, to some extent, a little bit hard to find a family that has not been married and divorced a number of times. Now, there's I want to go back and talk about what, what, Jesus had said about marriage and divorce. In Matthew chapter 19, starting in verse 4, the people at that period of time came to Jesus and asked him, is it okay to divorce our wife for any reason? Jesus said, you're confused.
Speaker 1:Do you not remember that, God created man and woman? And and then Jesus quoted, Genesis, chapter 2, 22, 24, where God had brought the woman to to, Adam. And Adam took that woman and said, Now this is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. Bone of my bone because, God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he extracted a rib out of Adam and closed him up. That's where it became, Jesus, now bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.
Speaker 1:Then Jesus said, quoting Matthew, quoting Genesis chapter 2, Therefore a man shall leave his father's mother, shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be 1 flesh. Now with that, in Amos 3:3, why the reference is, Can 2 people walk together except they agree? So we need to be agreeable. So with that, that concept is, back to the profiling, is how did this young woman that you're interested in, and this applies also to the young man, where she needs to profile his family also. First of all, we're looking at her and the family.
Speaker 1:Can those 2 walk to a degree? We know there's something we know right from the start that they're in marriages where we have 2 people from 2 different backgrounds, unless they're raised regardless if they're raised in a Christian home. We know there's going to be disagreements about something. How do we handle those disagreements in a in a godly and a Christian way? I want to go back, and I want to talk about Abraham that had a son that was named Isaac.
Speaker 1:And at one point in time that, when Isaac was 40 years old, his father decided it was time to that Abraham Isaac, rather, had a wife. And so he sent his most trusted servants off to back to Abraham's family. So it's not just anybody that, that he wanted to select a wife, and then eventually he did. The the servants brought a woman back from from his family, But it's not any family. It's a godly family.
Speaker 1:They were trusted, and Abraham sent his most trusted servants there because he trusted the the woman that that his most trusted servants were going to bring back as a wife for Isaac, were going to it was going to be a godly woman. And she was. Her name was Rebecca. And it tells the story about how Abraham tells, his most trusted servant, I want you to go find a wife for for Isaac. And before they left, they went into prayer, and they asked God to guide them and help them and direct them in finding not just any woman they're finding along the loach side and bring back for for Isaac, but a but a godly woman, a good woman, that one that one that he can trust.
Speaker 1:So back to back to the profiling standpoint is can this woman that, you're looking at in our scenario here with a young man and a young woman that are interested in each other, can she be trusted? Can you trust her with money? Can you trust her managing your household? Likewise, the same question we have to ask for the for the husband, for the future husband. You know, what is what is the the profile of his family?
Speaker 1:Was he raised by a by a mother that watched after him and corrected him and taught him and trained him in righteousness and godliness and how to live a a life that the lifestyle that is such like that? Is that the training that he came with? Can he be trusted with money? Can you trust him living with him as if you decide that you're that interested in him and you want her to be married to him? How can you put that into that profiling?
Speaker 1:One of the real important things that I personally believe is when going through that profiling, and if you find some point that where this either this young man or this young woman, are not going to have the lifestyle due to due to their background, and and maybe they've been married or they've been involved in, we'll call it immoral relationships, drugs or alcohol, that you you profile those things because we we know that those things, they don't improve over time. And so you you need to look at the look at that lifestyle and that profile and just make that decision that that this is a this is a man or this is a young woman that not only am I interested in, but they could be trusted with financials. They could be I could trust him to lead the family, be solid in his thinking, be, be able to, take care of his wife, love his wife, look after his wife, And if there's a family, to train them up in a godly, you know, in a righteous way that, is a beautiful standpoint from that, from that, that growth. So, with that, how the to decide that you have a real strong eligibility issue with either the the husband or the wife and and put that into place and make sure that those, those, things that you're looking for are manifest in in front of you, you know, regardless of the the husband or wife.